2002-10-05 - 3:08 a.m.

OK--so why did I just do that?

Got off from a 1-11 shift at work, Friday night, have to work tomorrow.

Went out for a few beers at Foley's with my dear friend R., who I've known since college.

Made it a point to include nobody else, 'cause that's been a bad habit lately.

Had a great time, missed the last train, and therefore the last bus, on purpose, knowing that I had the money for a cab, knowing that there were still a few late buses going her way.

She asked, in all earnestness, why don't you stay over so we can hang out a little longer, and I'll drive you back to Somerville tomorrow morning.

And I declined, and instead led her to a bus that would take her home, saving her the $15 she was planning to spend on a cab.

And then I walked forever, and had to fight for a cab even then, just to spend $15 to get back home, and for no real reason. It's not like I was afraid that I left the watter running or something.

It just makes no sense. I could be getting off the bus right now, conversing merrily all the way, and then by way of foot, to a couch.

I'd wake up tomorrow, perhaps some coffee, some smokes, and then a ride to Somerville, where I'd end up performing the get-ready-for-work rituals that I'll end up doing tomorrow anyway.

But instead, all I get is an empty house full of sleeping people, fifteen less dollars, the (solicited) knowledge that the cabbie is from Ethiopia and that (I really didn�t know this) there are more cabbies than cabs at the big taxi companies, meaning that sometimes you have to sit around and not get paid, waiting for a car to open up, which just made me feel horrible, a couple of Buds, and friggin� Diaryland.

I made the wrong decision, true. It�s not the worst decision I could ever have possibly made, like let�s see just how powerful my garbage disposal is, or let�s prove those look-both-ways-before-crossing-the-street-jealouts wrong, but I did make the wrong decision, in haste, and that�s an area I guess I should work on.