2005-01-03 - 12:41 a.m.

Things that have to happen before I become my dad:

Log two hours worth of recorded music that I can later play to someone and not cringe.

Read one of the "hard ones" like Don Quixote, and enjoy it. This does not include Shakespeare, because I already enjoy it.

Do something with my really, really expensive degree in writing. Take it out to the park and throw some tennis balls at it. Something.

Re-learn Spanish. Seriously. I want to get that language down.

Do some more exercise, besides walking. Maybe join a gym if I can find one that meets my hours, but, better done, maybe get some 10 pound weights and make some time where I can do something and use 'em at the same time.

Always, always, always have something to do with free time. Even if it's pointless. I think I've got that down, I really do, but it'd make for a short term goal.

Drink as much as I want when I'm home, but once I forget I have a can of Bud going, and I've opened up another, it's time to finish those two and go to bed.

Unless I overrule--that�s what it is--if I have two eyes open, I�m okay for the world. If it�s one eye open, or squinting, I�m in my own little (functioning) world, which is great and I know I�ll take care of myself, but there�s no talking allowed.

A rule I always follow. I fucking drink. I do it with the utmost regard for safety and the well being of others around me, and the last thing I�d ever do, in my darkest hour, is compromise my self respect. Yeah, I�ve made some mistakes in rooms full of also drunk peoples, but I�ve played by the rules always. I resolve right now to have another beer and not feel weird about it. I�m a responsible drinker, I always will be, and that�s not going to change. The only thing that needs to change is me weirding out and thinking that people are looking down on me about it. Who. the. fuck. cares? As long as I know when to say when, nobody but me.

Play more guitar.

And don't be afraid to get some songs down. If Bob Pollard is my hero, a man who farts more songs out than he sings, certainly I can get more crap written down that I can play with later and make better.

Make. Better. Friends. (If you're reading this, you're already in the category of �better,� and have nothing to worry about.)

I want to do more with the tarot, because it's a really good focusing tool, and I really enjoy using it.

As a true Bostonian, I love Dunkie's and I always will, and that being said, I'm going to try to spend my money a little more blue.

I mean, I turn the water off when I brush my teeth. I don't drive a car. I do my best to give things that are still useful but which I don't want anymore to people that can use and want them. I can do all that, I can do blue, and so should you. Too.

I also want to get in there with my brother and sister--I think they have a few steps on me, and I�m bad at learning steps. It's going to be weird, but I should do more family things. It'll pay off in the long run, and I'll feel better about a lot of weird things and can be a better grown-up for it.

Continue to pursue excellence in mixed-drink making, even though I'd rather drink a beer.

Oh, and continue loving myself, and appreciating myself, and not feeling so bad about everything.

It's a new year, and I think I started it off right.