2005-02-17 - 2:41 a.m.

I�m listening to Winchester by Robyn Hitchcock, which always reminds me of my semester in Holland, in my little American bubble. It�s really a beautiful song, but it just occurred to me that the song was recorded years before I even got there.

And when I realized it, just now, as I was remembering riding the B and cracking the shrink wrap for the CD that contains that song, which he probably wrote when he was around my age, when I was remembering that kid I was, trying to figure out what people my who are my now age think, well, I grabbed a bottle of High Life as opposed to a lowly can of Bud, to toast myself for laughing at an internal joke that most people under legal drinking age would not understand.

I just have to stop missing doing things before I actually do them.

I KEEP telling myself that. Every stage of my whole adult life has been an endless replay of myself currently remembering myself remembering how I was wasting a period of my life wasting my time on remembering myself remembering how I was wasting a period of my life. I don�t want my college years back. I want my grade school years back, and let�s start from there.

I need an East German trainer.