2001-11-18 - 11:30 p.m.

The Girlfriend is on my case again. It kills me--relationships are supposed to be sanctuary. She's gonna leave me if I don't get a new job. It's not an empty threat. Maybe a little empty...

I dunno. The Girlfriend and I have been together for more than five years. I honestly love the Girlfriend.

Beyond that is my welfare. If the Girlfriend doesn't wanna live with me, where do I live? I have so much stuff. Where does it go?

Maybe the Girlfriend going away could be the greatest thing that could happen to me. More likely, nothing more terrible could happen to me than her leaving me. I'd like to say that I don't care (Lord, how I would like to say that) but I do.

I need drive. Then, nothing bad could happen to me, and if it did, I'd land on my feet.