2002-01-07 - 6:59 p.m.

Went down State Street to buy a pack of smokes. I was walking and packing them up when some gritty dude got all in my face.

Give me onna those, buddy.

Nah, dude.

But it's for the homeless.

Can't spare one.

Walking backwards, he followed me down the street and eventually gave up. I almost always give smokes (not change) to homeless people upon request. This guy, I didn't like the way he asked me, so I said no.

As I walked on, he glared at me.

You don't have the right to wear that Red Sox cap!

Like Trot Nixon would have given him a smoke.

Moments later, I was standing in front of the building, enjoying my hard earned cigarette. Some kid wearing a Gap sweatshirt came right up and got all in my face, spewing off the oldest hoax in the book.

This is really embarassing, and I'm not some sort of bum, but my car just broke down and I need $4.50 to get back to Haverhill.

Sorry. Don't have any money.

I'm really not a bum. I'm not bullshitting you.

Neither am I. I don't have any money. Good luck.

Then how 'bout lending me a smoke?

Don't have an extra. Sorry. Good luck.

A'ight. I'm not a bum, tho. I'm serious.

The kid turned away and saw a couple walking towards him. He started in on the exact same spiel, and the couple gave him a hells no look. He whipped around, pissed, and said (without a trace of irony),

I'm not a bum! Why does everybody in this city have to be so ignorant!

--The End--