2002-01-09 - 2:09 a.m.

I just threw a bottlecap, wordlessly, into the trash. I usually miss that shot. This time it slid effortlessly from my open palm. My attempt to guide it, to control it, had failed, but it landed where I wanted it to nonetheless.

I spent an hour on the phone with H. I hope everything works out for her, and I also hope that she'll come back to Boston. I don't know which desire is more important to me.

I want to live with S., and it is a possibility. A slim one. I hope this works out too.

Tomorrow, I meet with R. for the first time in some time. Tonight, I returned her message from Thanksgiving. I made a date for tomorrow. Troubling. I hope that everything works out.

I'm worried because I have my review at the Work soon, possibly this week. I've done a good job, and this theoretically should be my reward for another year's job well done. I'm thinking that they're gonna take me off the clock and put me on salary. If this happens, they're gonna pretend it's all nice-nice welcome to the team bullshit, but in reality I'll be making far less money (gotta keep remembering that money is why I work in the first place--it's hard to remember that).

I hope that everything works out.