2002-01-26 - 1:58 a.m.

Ever notice that the mini-documentaries in movies "by" a documentary-making-character (in the movie) are sometimes just as interesting as real documentaries?

It's because there's a moving plot behind the boring facts. All of a sudden Beirut becomes far more interesting because it pertains to the plot development of a character in an interesting movie.

I'm glad that Enron dude killed himself. People who have been ignoring the whole boring scandal are going to start following the news now, because there's a human interest side now.

I'm so pissed over that Enron thing. It's not like I knew what Enron was before the scandal--I'm not some financial expert, and I live pretty far away from Texas (thank God). I'm just pissed that rich mofos still screw the workers to this day. And poor people still vote Republican, to this day.

Clinton got bashed to death eternally over his stupid "moral" scandals. He faced heavy scrutiny over almost smoking pot, for crissakes.

Bush had a DUI and hid it from his (now alcoholic) daughters. Try that for morals. He was a friggin cokehead. So far I've done better with my life than he had when he was my age. Enron gave him a massive contribution. And Bush's party is massively at fault here for the whole Enron scandal.

But it's finance, not blowjobs and stained dresses, so people notice only peripherally.

I'd take an almost pot smoking, saxophone wielding Kennedy wanna-be over some billionare boss that does no real work except getting greasy with other billionare bosses any day. I'd rather be sold an idea than have my boss sell my ideas and then sell me out for stock options and leave me penniless.

That's why Republicans always win. They're scandals are so boring.

Not being rich and voting Republican is like choosing which of the only two creepy guys available will take care of your kids when you go to work. One is psychotic and is going to molest your kids and eat all of your popsicles, but he has a good, wholesome appearance. The other will be nurturing as long as it is in his own interest, and will pretty much leave your kids alone.

The psychotic but plain looking guy (that you've heard boring rumors about) mentions that the other candidate once did something innocuous but slightly immoral in his private life. He uses big, confusing words and makes it seem like a pretty big deal. You don't really care, (you've done whatever it was yourself or your friends have) but you want to do what's best for your kids, and the plain looking guy seems so trustworthy. Plus, you don't want the plain guy telling others that you didn't choose him--the moral one.

So you choose the plain, the moral guy, and he molests your kids, and then he blames the long haired freak because he would have charged you more for his services and would have gone on to spend that money on programs designed to make your kids want to be molested. You agree with his boring words--his side is too confusing. He knows best.

Why not offer that upstanding truth-seeker a permanent position and consider the matter closed? It's in your own best interest.