2002-03-15 - 1:44 a.m.

I had a computer question, and I thought that the kind folks at Microsoft could help me. I visited their site, couldn't find a FAQ or an e-mail us and we'll get back to you as soon as we can button, so I put a query in their general search box. I searched for "email help," submitted the query, and was then asked to do the following survey, which was about how effective my query ("email help")was. The following was my response.

OK--you told me to be specific...

My query was "email help." I didn't need help using e-mail--I'm not some grandma trying to figure out how to open an attached picture of her grandkids.

I was kinda fixing up my 'puter a little bit, and I decided to change the desktop wallpaper. Unfortunately, my desktop was pretty cluttered with icons for programs that I never ever ever use (like Outlook or My Briefcase) and other programs that I do use, but for which I don't really need a handy desktop "link" to (like how often do I need to see what's in the My Documents folder when I basically use my home computer for word processing and internet browsing only, and when do I ever need to REALLY QUICKLY get to Adobe Acrobat, etc...).

I was wondering if there was a way to get rid of those icons without screwing up my computer--like can I send the icons to the recycle bin and then delete just the icons? I'm pretty sure that this is the case--it's not like deleting, say, a Works icon is going to delete some random thing that Works needs to have in order to (for lack of a better word) work. Right?

Even though I was pretty sure that sending an icon to the recycle bin wasn't gonna get rid of something random that I actually might need, I wasn't quite sure. With way too much free time on my hands, I figured, why not ask the brainiacs at Microsoft? Hell, maybe even Bill (!) might get bored and for a lark answer some consumer inquiries questions! Wouldn't that be neat?

I went to Microsoft.com (obvious), but it seemed like a corporate website (obvious), with some links to anywhere Anyone-who-wanted-anything-associated-with-Microsoft-but-who-didn't-quite-know-where-to-go could (for lack of a better word) go.

The site looked pretty big, and I was also kinda not wanting to bother yer reps with an inane question--they're probably up to their elbows in folks needing help fixing the "cupholders" on their computers, not realizing that they've actually farked up their CD tray, and does my computer "dream" when it's in sleep mode?

But no, there wasn't really a clearly marked "help" area for asking questions over e-mail, if that's what yer getting at by asking me to fill out this survey.

And, believe me, I understand why big companies like Microsoft, who kinda have to have these e-mail help reps, want to do their best to shield these poor souls from the brunt of the tedious questions they must bear.

So, even though I didn't really need any help with my e-mail, I typed "email help" in yer search box, in hopes that I might find the easter-egg-like site where I could ask my question.

Once I entered in this query, I was asked to do this survey. The one that I'm doing right now.

I've kinda lost interest in my question at this point.

I understand why companies want to make it a little challenging for people to ask questions of overly taxed reps. That way, they don't get an e-mail question everytime Granny can't figure something out on her own, or at least with the help of her birthday-money-obligated kids. Yeah, if she has the cash to buy a computer, she should be self-reliant enough to solve her own computer problems, right?

I realize that you're looking for ways to improve yer search function/website. Here's what I suggest:

1) Make a simple FAQ page that covers all of the stupid questions and that doesn't take way too long to read.

2) Don't assume that every question can be covered by this FAQ page. Offer help over e-mail.

3) Put a link to this area somewhere prevalent on yer microsoft.com page.

I hope that I've helped the "look and feel" of yer page as much as I've helped myself,

PS--hope I didn't sound overly sarcastic. It's cool that you're trying to improve yer site.