2002-04-04 - 2:02 a.m.

Wacky�picking out clothes. I wonder�how many people know what they'll be wearing the next day when they go to bed? How many people "recycle" their clothes a couple of times before washing them? How many people don't think about it at all?

How many people really do leave a smoldering pile of laundry out, and then pick out "reruns" every day? (I�ve witnessed this phenomenon during my college days. I didn�t enjoy visiting these people, as their rooms tended to stink.) Hey, it's new to you! Are these the same people that don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom?

If you ask me, sometimes you can get away with wearing a shirt twice between washings. As long as you don't make a habit of it, and if we're talking about shirts that are worn over a T-shirt (which gets washed).

Weekends don't count. It's cool to go to bed on a Saturday night and spend Sunday in the same clothes. Provided you putz around the apartment for the day and nothing more.

Should I be admitting this?

What percentage of the population has more than one pair of shoes? Has more than 10? More than 100?

That's wacky�like how you get all shocked when you hear about someone who has had sex with more than 100 people, but then you realize that it's not all that unusual.

What's the average number of pairs of pants a person owns? What's the average proportion of pants to shirts?

I have shirts that I never, ever wear, but that I keep just in case I ever decide that I like it again. Is that weird? I've gotten mad at myself for tossing shirts that I thought I'd never again wear.

Ever fall in love with a shirt, and then realize that you actually hate it? Why is that? How does that happen?

Has that ever happened, and then you later have a change of heart and make that shirt your official favourite?

What happened? Where did the love go? How does it come back?

I think of shirts like pitchers for a baseball team.

You have your five starters. The ones that can go six or more innings a start�the ones all the fans know and love. The Ace, you know you�ll see every five games, but then the #2 starter usually gets more playing time. Three, four, and five often duke it out, and four and five are always competing to keep their spots in the rotation.

Then you have your middle relievers. Gotta throw 'em in every now and then, just to give the starters some time off.

Your closers, too. That way-too-fancy denim shirt or oh-so-precious sweater that can only go an inning or so every now and then.

There are always a few wise veterans on the team. Reminds you of the glory days. Gets the rookie drunk in the hotel bar on the road. You can count on �em to remind you of the good times, which is why it�s so hard to get rid of �em.

And then you have your junk-ballers. Their contracts are almost expired, and you don't plan on renewing. Maybe you rashly picked it up as a middle reliever and it never worked out, or maybe it's a faded former starter. These are the garments you wear when you're losing 13-1 to the New Jersey Washers, and you just need something out there on the mound to eat up innings. Who cares if the arm falls off?

People who never wear a garment more than once before washing it have also never taken a shit in their lives.

For the rest of us, I would say that we're pretty good about it. We know when clothes are dirty. And we wash our hands every time we go to the bathroom. Every time.

And then there are some folks that were sick for that week during the second grade where the topic was hygiene. Who wouldn't be embarrassed if they were wearing a shirt for the fourth time between washings, or a pair of jeans that are so dirty, they're shiny.

It's a taboo subject�nobody really discusses it. Here�I'll break the silence. Sometimes, I'll wear the same workhorse pair of jeans for a whole week. (Sssh!) I wonder if anybody ever notices. The same way I wonder if I smell but nobody will tell me, or if I'm brushing my teeth the right way�I'm, pretty sure that I have all of the bases covered, but regardless, you just can't ask these questions.