2002-07-10 - 12:47 a.m.

Reasons why I deserve an affordable apartment in Cambridge/Somerville:

1) I'm not a student. On the contrary, I work more than 40 hours a week.

2) I'll support the neighborhood�the bookstores, the coffeeshops, of course the bars, the kitch stores, you name it.

2a) Conversely, I will never, ever, ever go to, say, Starbucks rather than, say, the 1369.

3) I'm from Boston. I'm not an import. I grew up here. It's my neighborhood�I saw it first.

3a) Provided I don�t win the lottery, I�ll most likely be staying in the neighborhood for years and years and years.

4) My parents don't pay my rent.

5) My name is Johnny Clean. Not Mr. Sticky VonRatbeacon. Not Pyro McCandleabandon.

6) I'm not a townie. Nor can I count on rent control.

6a) Nor have I been living in the neighborhood for 30 years, and as a happy result pay $500 for my own two bedroom (for those of you in this situation, more power to you).

7) I'm not going to throw crazy parties and keep everyone up forever. I don't even play much loud music all that much, and when I do, it's at noon on a weekday when nobody is around to be disturbed by it.

7a) I don�t mind too much if other folks wanna play their music loud�even if I�m heading to bed.

8) I really want to live in Cambridge/Somerville. I don't view living there as an inconvenient and yet still way-too expensive consolation prize.

9) I fit in.

10) I deserve a break.

Bonus reason�I�m the one goddamn kid in this city that doesn�t constantly exude a smarmy aerosol bouquet of coolness. Cambridge/Somerville needs (at the very least) one kid that isn�t trying way too hard to impress and outdo other kids that are trying way too hard. Cambridge/Somerville needs me just to balance things out a little bit.