2002-07-23 - 10:02 a.m.

Guess who did his laundry last night so that he could have something nice to wear today for his appointment with the realtor?

Guess who woke up super early this morning?

Guess who called, just to make sure, before leaving his apartment?

Guess who was told, and only because he called, that the realty lady was taking a personal day?

Yup. The answer to all of the above is me.

The Roommate and I have been waiting on this brownstone for well over a week now, and we missed out on a better place (for more money) because of it.

I asked the person on the other end of the phone if he could make sure to hold the apartment.

Eh, buddy, I don't wanna get screwed outta money here.

I explained that the Roommate had checked the place out yesterday, and that I just wanted to see it before handing over our applications and big fat checks.

Eh, I dunno, buddy.

I explained that I have two checks in my wallet, that I'm looking at two completed applications, and that I have my change for the bus in my hand, and that, seeing as how it is now impossible for me to see the apartment today, and hand over the applications, and the non-refundable deposit, can you please hold the apartment for one day?

Eh, buddy, I don't know what to tell ya. This kind of crap happens all the time�one time the wife checked an apartment out and made us hold it for a week and a half before the husband took a look, and he didn't like it.

I explained that I wasn't asking for a week and a half�I was asking for one day�that I would basically take more time off, and take the next possible opportunity to take more time off, so that I could bring them money.

Eh, buddy, whydon�tcha call back tomorrow.

I called the Roommate, who called the realty company.

And I got a call back five minutes later.

She spoke to a different person, a woman, who assured her that nobody else would be seeing the apartment, and that the person I spoke with never said otherwise.

So now I'm a liar.

OK�so let me ask this one question? Is this why I have to pay a massive realty fee, to the owner of the apartment, no less? Is this the service my money buys?

A realtor is basically a store for apartments. Would you go to a store where the employees give you a hard time, call you a liar, and make you go through a credit check even though you have the money in your hand? How long would a store stay in business if they had the gall to charge you a �service fee� equivalent to the price of the product you wish to purchase, in exchange for the privilege of buying said product from them?

You! What you want?

Uh, yeah, I came here to buy a Pepsi?

Store closed. Come tomorrow.

But I had an appointment! And I can see people in the store! And they�re buying Pepsi!

Store closed!

But I came all the way from the other side of the city for this.

That not my problem.

Will you at least hold on to a can for me for tomorrow?

Why I hold Pepsi for you tomorrow, when people want buy Pepsi today?

But I want to buy a Pepsi, from you, today!

I say store closed! You? No good credit. I can tell. Excuse me, I have take this call.

Uh, OK. I�ll just come back tomorrow then.

No�call to make appointment.

Can I make an appointment with you right now?

No! Can�t you see I am busy making appointments? Store closed!

Yeah, I know that this isn�t exactly how the process works, but I will say that the cost to service provided ratio is way, way, way higher than any other business entity I can think of besides perhaps the Church, but paying the Church is voluntary.