2002-12-10 - 1:22 a.m.

Got home, and thought I might wrap some Christmas presents. Laid 'em all out on my bed.

Scissors and Satin tape at hand, I looked about for that stash of uber-hip-to-the-point-of-ricidulousness wrapping paper, that I hadn�t seen since the move in September.

Searched everywhere for it--each and every hiding place, not that there are many. Sometimes twice--most were searched thrice. I got no breaks. And I couldn�t stop looking--I couldn�t just stop myself, losing time over nothing--no brakes.

And now I�m just really annoyed. I tousled everything about, and now everything is cosmically out of whack--the TV news keeps buzzing at me and I have to move my body about to get better reception.

Aside from really wanting to punch my TV (I�m waiting for the weather), I just find it so annoying that I actually know what I want to do right now--that I�ve chosen something realistic and conceivable--a project that I have the energy, the time, and supposedly the resources to complete, but I just can�t frickin do it.

It�s funny how diversion can become delirious in such a short period of time, but I guess that makes sense.

The best thing about video games, when I was a kid, was that, if things didn�t make sense, if you couldn�t solve the right now problem, or if you screwed yourself in an epic game, you could just reset the whole goddamn thing, and it was as if you wasted no time.

I had a game once that I really loved, that I played for hours, but it wasn�t reset friendly, I guess. Towards the end, I realized that I had done something wrong, or more likely that I had failed to do something correctly, and that I couldn�t finish the game because of it. But I couldn�t go back. And I never learned what it was.

Fuck it. I�m gonna splurge and watch COPS right now. It�s my life--I got my TV back into shape, and I can do what I want.

Try and stop me.