2002-12-16 - 12:17 a.m.

I can't even believe that I'm watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That's how passive I am right now. That's been my whole day.

You try giving birth to seven testimonies of love--seven mix CDs, complete with inlays, track listings, and backs, and then seeing them all leave you, several hours later. Tell me how that feels, asshole, and then we can talk.

I went to a kick-ass party last night, top notch, and that's the way I'll remember it.

How did I get through today, you ask? Drank pots of coffee, loved cigarettes more than anything else in the world (that I know of), and someone (I know not who) left behind a 40 of Bud. I also smoked more tobacky in this one morning than I had allowed myself in probably the past six months, total. Reminded me of why I almost never smoke.

Best part of last night? Running into the apartment below woman, and sheepishly announcing my party intent. She told me her name, and that the little girl directly below my room was out for the night--somewhere else, and gave me her blessing to go hogwild.

Biggest score of the night.

I didn't overhear every conversation, but I'm pretty sure that every guest had a jingle bell rockin' good time during party hours. What happened afterward doesn't matter--I'm not resposible for that.

The clouds didn't spell out my name tonight, but the T.V. did just tell me to go to bed and get some more rest. I just saw that Aim High America signoff set to the star spangled banner song, where that darnet jet hovers over the Rockies with interspersed footage of Mt. Rushmore and the statue of liberty.

I miss that signoff, and can't remember the last time I saw it. I love signs from God so much.