2003-01-29 - 3:04 a.m.

OK--so I learned today that I can't trick myself into getting in a drive, or out of a rut.

But it was a nice effort, and it almost worked!

I know I'm too big to fit into these pleaded slacks, but I feel like everyone in the world hates me right this minute, and that they all got together to agree on the reasons.

I�ve heard all of it so many times, and repeated it to myself, and watched it multiply, and saw the weak echo boomerang, and repeated it to myself, it�s as if anyone I know can just amble on up to me and, to avoid redundancy, say number 4, number 8, and a combination of 16 and 5 this time around. That is all.

Hirsute fear and rabid claws and oh shit I really am standing in front of the class in my underwear, that kinda feeling, keeps its private and well furnished apartment in my psyche, with an elevator and a stunning view.

I think it even controls the weather.

It�s starting to bore me, and I�m sure it bores the hell outta everyone else. I don�t just want my giggle break, I demand it.

I'm gonna give up feeling for awhile. See how that works out for me.

I'm gonna go live in the forest with plumbing candles and matches and an empty wheelbarrow that I wish was filled with CDs, and I'll see if I can make my own igloo with dirty snow and my hands.

That'll teach 'em.