2003-02-28 - 2:33 a.m.

I've heard the odds for winning the lottery and the odds for getting hit by lightning compared numerous times in my years.

More often than not, folks win less than $20. I wonder, can you get a little hit by lightning?

I think that if you win the lotto big, you should also have to get hit by lightning. They could do it when you come to pick up your check--real quick and convenient.

And if you get hit by lighting the normal, boring way, you should get a big check, 'cause you defied the odds.

Also, my shower curtain is in love with me.

It�s true. It�s a bunch of translucent circles and squares, and all of the little shapes love me.

But I just pretend they don�t exist. I�ll soap up, shampoo, what not, and I know the shapes are watching. Not all perverted, mind you. That�s just how they see me every day. Usually I don�t even notice them.

I sing lots of silly songs in the shower. My newest one goes

The plastic circles and squares on the bottom get the most screwed--bad view, and what not. I think they�re disgruntled, but at society, not me. At least they�re not the tiles.

They think my songs are great.

Sometimes I�ll affectionately poke a circle with my finger. Sometimes I�ll sing a song just for a square. Even though the special attention is randomly distributed, I�m sure that each shape has its own distinct and undying memory of when I acknowledged its geometric existence, or at least of a brush with fame.

I wonder what they talk about when I�m not around.

I love my fans, though. I try to give �em a good show, at least. I owe �em that much, what with me being their god and what not.

My neighbors to the right are probably really scared of me.