2003-03-18 - 1:29 a.m.

I just wanna weigh in on this whole war thing--I�ve kinda kept quiet for a couple reasons. First off, everything I have to say about it has already been said. Not that most of the things I say here are completely original, but at least they�re not available in print. The second reason is because it�s such a big issue, I�m really in over my head. So I�m just gonna make a couple of points--perhaps confused points, perhaps ridiculously biased, perhaps uninformed. Perhaps redundant. I�m also a little nervous about what would happen to me if I said anything about the government--paranoid and self-important, I know, but I�ve been feeling this way since 43 took office. And I don�t care right now--I�m an American and I can say whatever I want to say and whenever I want to say it, and that�s just what I�m about to do.

First off, what, exactly, did Iraq do? I thought that this war was about hunting down terrorists, those evildoing folks. Did we get tired of that war? We reduced Afghanistan to even more rubble, and that�s the last relevant thing I heard about the country. What�s happening there? Are those people free yet? Oh, and where�s Osama? Did we get him? Did I miss that in the news?

This was supposed to be the war on terrorism. I could be ignorant, but I haven�t heard of any Iraqi terrorists. Is this then a different war? If so, did we win the war on terrorism? Why wasn�t there a parade?

OK--so we�re mad at Iraq because they failed to disarm. And because of secret evidence. I have no problem with keeping intelligence secret, but I wonder, when the Iraqi war is over, are we going to learn what the secret evidence was? If we do, is this classified intelligence going to be as compelling then as it supposedly is now?

So we�re basically screaming at Iraq to disarm. Disarm! Even though it�s painfully obvious that we�re going to go to war with them anyway. Does that seem fair to you? I think it�s cheap--would you mind destroying all your weapons, thereby rendering yourself defenseless, so we can then cream you in a war supposedly sparked by the weapons you just destroyed, which proves that, and why, you had them?

And what�s up with North Korea, firing those missiles over the Sea of Japan? It�s like we�re saying shut up, North Korea. I don�t think that�s wise.

Besides the if you like America now, just wait four to eight years and we�ll elect an idiot that�s gonna meddle with your shit �till you hate us again, message we�re sending to the middle east, wait, hold on--and forget the OK--so WHO are you? Bulgaria? Australia? Uh, yeah, that�s nice, but we got the bombs message that we�re sending to the rest of the world. What I�m concerned about is nations like North Korea and the message we�re sending them--don�t wanna end up like Iraq? Get nukes.

OK, been said billions of times, but never stops being relevant--so who is this George Bush guy that�s pissing every non-American off? Clinton got impeached over a blowjob, and the same rabid wholesome lovers of the American way dismissed the fact that this dude was a cokehead, has a DUI under his belt--he�s a folk hero--he�s seen as some sort of frickin� Prince Hal, and that doesn�t sit very well with me.

He�s the kind of guy who, as a baseball fan, I would love to see as commissioner. I think he�d do a great job--he�d clean it up, help get forced-testing through the unions, and he would have let that all-star game last year finish. Sure, the Astros would suddenly be a contender, but baseball would benefit from his leadership. But as president of my country, which I still have to keep reminding myself that he is, I kind of have issues with him going on about what a tyrant Saddam Hussein is, when at least Hussein was able to win a sham election without scandal.

I think what gets me the most is that a majority of Americans support this war. I have no idea why. Is it because the President wants war? Are we just in the mood? Is it because of September 11th? Do you remember the CBS/New York Times poll that showed that 45% of Americans believed that Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks? These are the same people who are clamoring for war. And why do they clamor?

Dunno.

Do they want something to be proud about--like the home team winning the pennant? Do they think that terrorism will go away if we defeat Iraq in a war? And that, if we defeated Iraq in a war, that would be the end of terrorism forever? Can they see picture what the world might be like, all the possibilities, good or bad, in fifteen years? Do they see this as a clear-cut case of good versus evil? And if they do, do they really see it that way--did they think it over?

I don�t know. I went to the St. Patty�s day parade in South Boston yesterday, and at the very end there were some veterans marching for peace. And they got booed. No--not rosy college kids, not dirty hippies--veterans. I mean, really.

Or a few days ago, I guess there was a small peace rally by Government Center (I didn�t see it). I was walking to work, and I saw this trashy family coming my way, and I knew that the dad would fail to observe proper street crossing etiquette. And he did--he walked right into the path of an oncoming car (which of course stopped), this mustached, mulleted dude and his stirrupped panted wife with the bangs and little chunky junior with the rattail who listens to Eminem, but who woulda gone for Axl ten years ago. And the dad walks right in front of that car--I think he was drunk at 3:00 in the afternoon, both positive examples for his kid, and points at the car, and shouts AMERICA.

And leisurely guides his family to the curb, and turns around, and shouts fuckin� hippies!

I mean, what the fuck? There was a crowd of folks walkin� to wherever it was that they were going, and none of �em even noticed, or at least paid attention, or at the very least gawked, like I did. I was just about done with my cigarette, and I have good aim--I seriously considered flicking it at his head.

These people support the war. These people support the president, and liberty, and don�t try to take that liberty away from them, believe you me, like by protesting a war.

I hope they choke on their NASCAR sponsored mac n� cheese, and that their goddamn Freedom Fries harden their arteries, and that they, just maybe, think, I got nothing outta those eight billion killin�-for-oil tax dollars, and, damnit, maybe it woulda been better spent on healthcare.

Oh, and there�s another thing--what�s with everyone being pissed at France? Is America so great that we should be so goddamn shocked that there�s a modern, industrialized country that doesn�t agree with our stance on Iraq? I mean, for chrissakes, get over it.

Yeah, we should boycott French products to punish France for voicing their collective opinion in a forum designed for just that purpose.

Hey, you�re lucky France, we could be declaring war on you. In fact...

Has anyone noticed how stupidly ironic it is to rename French Fries Freedom Fries? I mean, first off, it�s just stupid and jingoistic--as if we own the concept of freedom and reserve the right to change the definition as we see fit. Second, fries were invented in Belgium, not France. Third, they don�t even call them French Fries outside of North America--they�re pommes frites (or �fried potatoes�). And lastly, I mean for chrissakes--France is free. They gave us the Statue of Liberty!

I mean, even Canada, our bestus buddy, won�t send troops without UN backing. Canada. Would you like to add Freedom Bacon to your burger for an additional fifty-nine cents?

Yeah, this has become a rant. That�s fine--I�m frustrated. It�s not like anything I�m saying here is going to be constructive.

All I know is, this is not the way to go to war. I�m not the type to protest war, either, just to protest something. But choose your battles--get Osama, get other terrorists I�m too ignorant to know about, spend the elevating eight billion this war is going to cost on international peacemaking, or at the very least, domestic education.

Or, you know what? With most of the world against us, let�s go to war. Why not? We�re in command--we got the money to burn, and wouldn�t it just be a lark if we bullied a country we already beat, killed some folks, see what those new bombs can do, fuck what the world thinks--we got it all right here--the wholesome culture and the weapons to enforce it. Let�s invoke the further wrath of people that already hate us--boo-hoo--and you know what? Maybe they�ll blow something else of ours up--doesn�t matter--we�re resilient and strong and we�ll make it better. �Cause God is behind us.

And if God doesn�t like it, well, recently uncovered documents suggest that that tyrannical despot has been amassing a stockpile of thunderbolts of mass destruction. Perhaps we can wage war on him--get Christ before he returns to seek vengeance on our soil. I do believe he was of middle-eastern descent anyway.