2003-08-12 - 12:57 a.m.

I�m watching the Sox-Oakland game over the internet via ESPN game-cast. Such an important game--time is running out, three back from the Yankees for the divisional and the Yanks lost, one game ahead of Oakland for the Wild Card. Pedro on the mound. Sox coming off a horrific losing streak. Absolute must win.

And they�re losing.

Why do I do it? Why do I sacrifice so much time just to get grumpy and hurt with each loss?

I remember 1986, when the Sox lost the World Series to the Mets. After getting so, so into it, my Ma was absolutely devastated when they lost.

And she just stopped caring about them after that. It wasn�t just like that, and she still cares about the Sox, but it�s not a daily thing for her anymore.

Maybe I should just give up on �em. Seriously. I mean, like my Ma, I�ve paid my dues. If they win the Series, it�s not like I�m Mr. Bandwagon.

To put myself through utter agony for absolutely no reason, 162 times a year, that�s just too much to ask.

To plan a day off around catching a game at a bar, and to be in a fowl mood for the rest of the day because they�re the goddamn absolute most frustrating team on earth to watch?

They just hurt me so much. I�m helpless. I can�t do anything to help them win. Nothing. And they don�t care about me. Many of these players are the same folks who would have given me a hard time in high school. And they�re all overpaid.

But they prove over and over again that they can win. Each season. Last year, they won 92 games and didn�t make the playoffs. This year, they keep climbing towards Rapunzel�s tower, just to get swatted away when they get close.

Right now, Pedro is outta the game. They put Fossum in for an inning and Oakland�s lead doubled. David Ortiz, just this second, with the team down 4-0, stuck out to start the eighth. The Sox are going to lose this game, I know it, and it�s such a goddamn important game, but I�ll totally allow myself to believe that there�s a way they can win, and a reason for me to watch.

Millar and Nixon are out. Let�s hope the bullpen doesn�t give up any runs, and hope for a miracle in the ninth.

Nice job, fuckers.

Make me hope, gentlemen. Give me a reason to keep hoping.

Present no compelling reason for me to keep looking.

Give me worse odds of winning the big prize than the lottery.

You know I�m gonna keep watching.

Fuckers.

So Williamson (who they got for prospects) didn�t give up any runs.

Let�s watch the Sox choke in the ninth.

Todd Walker flied out to deep right.

There are Sox fans, dead now, that lived 67 years, waiting for �em to win the Series.

If they didn�t care about the Sox, those folks might have lived 70 years and would have died happy and fulfilled, complete.

Varitek grounded out to second. Down four runs, last out. Leading every important offensive category but home runs (and second in homers, at that), get shut out by Oakland and therefore are tied for the wild card with Oakland.

Nice job, fuckers.

Nice strikeout, Damon.