2003-08-27 - 2:10 a.m.

Ugh.

Last week, I got an e-mail from a coworker urging me to sign up for the Big Company�s Fantasy Football league. $25 to join--very specific about that. He hyped it up by saying that nearly everyone was joining, and named names.

I warmly but cautiously replied that I�d love to participate in a Baseball fantasy league, but that I didn�t really know my Football or the fantasy rules associated with it.

I figured that my e-mail would be the end of it. But I then had to explain that although I do enjoy watching Football, and that although I�d be very willing to participate in a Baseball league next year, I don�t know enough about fantasy football to feel comfortable participating because 1) I don�t have a huge knowledge of the players and 2) I have absolutely no idea what the rules are for football fantasy leagues.

Further encouraged by my reply, I guess, he left a 40-page stat sheet on my desk the next day. No explanation as to how the draft works, what positions are eligible, how many players are taken at which positions, if bench players are allowed, how in God�s name I�m supposed to draft an entire defensive line, etc.

So I talked to some of the people who had already agreed to participate. Turns out half of �em didn�t actually say they were going to do it. The other half had a hard time answering my questions as to exactly how the fantasy league would be run. And I lost the impression that it was a Big Company-approved thing.

So I thought about it, and came to the conclusion that, although the idea of joining a workplace fantasy league does appeal to me, I�d rather not loose horribly to people I have to see every day, and have a decision I made concerning some player I have no idea about become a running joke.

He came by, to ask a question about a project, but I think he only came by to see if I was going to join. I told him no--I�ll do Baseball, but not Football.

He stormed off, Kramer-like (Seinfeld, not Bongwater), crying That�s it! John�s out!

Wait. But I was never in.

Not that he told me, but I later found out that the league is not just based on total points, which allows an infinite amount of players. No. This league is head-to-head, and there needs to be eight players in order for it to work.

And since I �quit� the league, there would be no league.

Oh, for Crimminy�s sakes. It�s a Football league, not a melodrama pageant, right?

I told him that if it came to him not having a fantasy league or having a fantasy league, and all �cause of me, I�d join.

Again, no confirmation. Just the website address mysteriously stickied to my monitor.

So I went on, signed up, and so far the only two players are me and him.

I don�t like where this is going.

So tomorrow is, I guess, draft day. I don�t wanna look like an idiot, so I just spent the past three hours reading the rules specific to the site, building strategy, and doing research on players. If I�m gonna do it, I wanna win.

And since everyone else involved in the draft is out at 5:00, and I�m working 1-9, I�m going to have to skip my lunch so I can participate in this draft, if it happens.

And, judging from the way this dude has recruited me, that there might not be enough folks, or even too many. Which�ll be awkward, but a relief. Did I mention it costs $25 to join?

(By the way, team name? Male Chauvinist Pigs. Although I probably should have picked Data Collectors.)

Now I don�t let myself get bullied into things, really. It�s more like I�m light and floating and willing to allow myself to get blown into crevices and nooks I would never otherwise settle into were I leaded and stubborn and falling and ready to crash into or through anything in my way.