2003-10-17 - 2:19 a.m.

NineTeen EighTeen. Clap Clap. Clap clap clap.

First off, as a Grady Little apologist, fire Grady Little. Five outs away, three run lead, Timlin and Embree have been outstanding to get to the surging Willamson, and the Roommate, a baseball amateur (who has been converted, by the way), asks me are they gonna put out Ramirez, I mean Pedro, again?. And I say no way they�d do that, but if they do, one bad pitch and he�s out.

Five outs away, and Little keeps Pedro in. Not five outs away from winning a game, mind you. Five outs away from advancing to the World Series. This is not the time to establish confidence in your ace. You have 162 games to play with if that�s what you wanna do.

So Little asks Pedro if he wants to pitch out of a jam with the game, no, advancing to the Series on the line. You�re Pedro, full of pride--what do you say? Of course you�re gonna say I can pitch.

So Grady keeps him in, and everyone in Boston knows what to expect and hopes for the best in the face of stupidity, and everyone at Yankee Stadium cheers at Little�s stupid, stupid, stupid laissez-faire suicide attempt.

That�s it. That�s the ball through Buckner�s legs. That�s the Fan from Chicago.

You want something to blame? Don�t blame me, I tweaked superstition like a pro, and there�s no way you can convince me otherwise.

If you want someone to blame, you may blame Grady Little.

As much as I like him, as much as I believe in him, I�ll gladly throw him to the lions.

He lost the biggest game of his life, without throwing a pitch, without swinging a bat.

So I handled the loss well. I didn�t throw anything, I didn�t beat anyone.

I watched the Yankees go to another Series, I watched them celebrate.

It was a good run we had, the Sox and I, and I still believe. It was a nice dream, it was a nightmare the whole way, and at the very least, I can stop worrying about the team I love more than I should, for four more months.

FIVE OUTS AWAY! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE PEDRO OUT THERE?

Oops. Sorry.

(By the way, I had the Sox as the Wild Card winner in August. I didn�t say anything here for fear of jinx. This was when they were battling Oakland for the Wild Card, and Seattle had a pretty good lead for the lead in the AL West. I called a Seattle choke, Oakland winning the West, Boston defeating Seattle for the Card, Boston defeating Oakland at the last minute for the ALDS and getting to the Yankees, and then winning in seven games, on to the Cubs.)

I wish it was an Offerman phantom tag, if they had to lose. I wish they won, obviously. I divided my time fairly between Sox going to the world series and Sox choking, but didn�t allow myself to indulge either.

It hurts anyway. It hurts to get so close. And it hurts that the Sox aren�t playing for months.

It really hurts.