2004-01-06 - 1:53 a.m.

Okay it's the new year now and we're all going to have to get used to writing /04 on our checks.

I've moved beyond the grandiose viewpoint of life-as-novel a ton since college, and I kind of think I've achieved a good balance with the whole concept of viewing every detail of each moment as something uncompromisingly significant--blowing up every second of my life to the point where it is greater than my past and future.

But it's good to do that sometimes if you do it the right way. Like the tarot. When I look at a card, I don't just take the literal meaning of the card (which I'd be a fool to do anyway since they're subjective to begin with), but I try to apply the card to the question I'm asking or the emotion I'm feeling. It's a good starting point--it helps my brain get rolling and can get me out of a rut thoughtwise.

And it's the new year--someone changed the radio station. It's a Sunday afternoon and the first rented VHS tape is over and it's time for the next one before Simpsons. We landed in Dallas and are changing over for Miami. Midterms are over. Time to take the things from the pockets of my jeans and put those things in the pockets of another pair of jeans. The 30 pack has been depleted and it's time for a walk.

It's the new year--arbitrary, sure--and so of course I'm going to blow everything immeadiate up and make it stand for something bigger than it is.

The Roommate and I cleaned a bunch and got some Indian Food had a rockin' time at the Abbey--the Other Girls and the Downbeat Five were outstanding--and we drank a ton of beer. That's how we spent the last day of the year.

When the clock rocked twelve, we made out for a bit--a good excuse to be obnoxious, and everybody in the bar lit up despite the smoking ban. An annoying AC~DC cover band took stage, and we got a cab within seconds. That began our year, and we got home and drank some more beer and I played some music and we passed out.

And then the new year began. We drank champagne in the morning with orange juice and it was romantic and beautiful with the windows open despite January but then we ended up splitting the bottle and it was too much for us. There was confusion over a situation involving someone else and so we couldn't really get a plan for the day set. I washed the kitchen floor with my headache twice and we took a walk to Davis and rented Eight Crazy Nights and some other movie I forget now.

And that's how my new year started.

I didn't realize it 'till just before it ended, but 2003 was really a year of celebration and fun for me. I just wish someone told me during, but that's my problem. I think 2003 was kinda like the first few levels in a video game--progressively more challenging, but definitely fun and also nurturing and and guiding while enforcing.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I got stuff done during the year--and this was not a party year either--but I've been getting this strong sense that the birds won't be singing to me and the clouds are not going to spell my name in the sky in 2004.

I�m going to have to take care of a ton of stuff that I�m not going to feel like doing, and I�m going to hate myself and not know why if I don�t rise to the occasion without whining like a silly little bitch.

I don�t know what it�s going to be yet (of course), and I�m also getting the sense that there�s not going to be much rest either--that it�s never going to stop and that there�s no going back from here.

Whatever. Of course there�s no going back, tree hugger. As long as it�s entertaining for me. And if it isn�t, I�m sure I�ll be able to see to that.

I know the more I do something I don�t like but that I have to do, the better I do it. And the better I do it, the better I feel when it�s done with and over at the very least for the moment.

I have some momentum carrying over from �03, and I�m going to give this year my best shot.

The Roommate and I have decided to share a bedroom. I mean, we�ve been sharing a bed (sorry for the extra detail) for awhile, but we�ve officially maintained separate bedrooms since we�ve moved here. Her bedroom is now the sleeping room (her room, though), and my bedroom is now the hey, the tv and the �puter and the beer are in here room, as well as some space for music recording (finally). (My room, though.)

So that�s a good start so far. Different. New. Change. What not.

Okay--let�s just see what happens.