2004-01-15 - 3:14 a.m.

I got the Roommate some hot cocoa from Filene�s for Christmas, and she enjoyed the gift so much that I returned to see if they still had more. They didn�t. I did see a girl getting busted for shoplifting by plainclothes security people. (I forget the official title for plainclothes security people.)

That was two days ago, but I keep thinking about it and feeling bad for her. It was obvious that she was shoplifting (she admitted that there were items in her purse), and as someone who has worked in retail before, I know how anal security people have to be about being absolutely perfect about busting people.

But at the same time she insisted that she didn�t do it as she was being escorted to the back area, incredulous that she was being singled out, contradicting herself, doing anything she could quickly think of to draw attention to herself, and as she raised her voice (she was screaming), she raised her own stakes, �till one of the security people got a little fed up--okay, now you�re going to jail--now you�re definitely going to jail, and the other one said allright no more talking with authority.

If I were her, I would have tried to explain my absent-mindedness, or I wanted to see if it would fit in my purse, or I was planning to purchase it but didn�t want to carry it around as I browsed, as calm and as reasonable as possible, hoping that the security person would let me get away with a don�t come back here ever warning.

I think that�s what makes me sad. That girl went in there with no plan as to what to do if she got caught. And when she did get caught, she flipped out and gave those security people every excuse they needed.

I don�t know this person, and I have no right to say this, but I�m imagining that this incident is not on her mind at the moment, or if it is, she�s not worried about it, and she�s found a way to blame it on something else.

And that�s why I feel sad for her.

I�m not proud of it, but I shoplifted a few things (we�re in no way talking big) when I was in college. I equated the compulsion (even in a paper I wrote) to a substitute for the thrill of the hunt that had been deprived us by the modern times in which we (then) lived.

Stupid.

I also excused myself because most of the other college kids had tons more money than I did and came from wealthier homes. While that might have been true, it certainly was not an excuse.

Stupid.

I also excused myself because I was against big corporations ripping off the little guy. While I still am, it was certainly no excuse, and it barely applied anyway.

Stupid.

I was lucky to get away with it then and I�ve been embarrassed about it for years.