2004-04-08 - 12:34 p.m.

I walked to work yesterday and at a light I gave I gave directions to a Broadway, Somerville bound motorist.

After that, I ended up giving directions to the Red Auerbach statue, the real Cheers, the Fanueil Hall Cheers, the Black Rhino, Downtown Crossing, the State House, the old State House, and on the way home at Lechmere, and at 11pm, mind you, I gave bus directions (and an estimate as to when that bus would arrive, which turned out to be accurate) to a Somerville bound commuter.

I don't mind giving directions--I really don't, in fact I�m flattered, but a couple of these requests broke up conversations I was having, and a couple of requests were quite abrupt, which I've unfortunately gotten used to--someone approaching me and going where's blah blah blah, as opposed to excuse me, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind....

Catch me on a bad day with where's blah blah blah, try it--spot me from 40 yards away, identify me as someone who knows where stuff is (which people are evidently good at doing), and demand directions point blank, and see how far (away from where you need to go) that approach gets you.

In all honesty, I wouldn't give bad directions on purpose. But I did once, a long time ago when I was a different person--and a much older and wealthy looking couple asked directions to Park Street station, which was right around the corner, and then proceeded to poke fun at my accent when I opened up with oh, Park....

If they listened carefully to my earnest directions, they ended up in Dorchester.

Maybe they're still there. I�m sure the couple was rolling on the floor at the accents in Dorchester, and at the same time, I don't think anyone in Dorchester would feel much pity for a well to do couple who would visit a city and then poke fun at the local accent.

You can laugh at animals in a zoo 'cause there's bars separating you from the animals. While there are bars in Dorchester, they're a different kind of bar.

Where have I trailed off to?

Anyway, all I'm saying is that the weather was outstanding, but good weather does not come without a price.

Good weather means waiting longer to get my coffee at Dunkie's (for the love of god, please stop sending one person out to get coffee orders for your entire company, especially during tourist season when everyone's ordering coolattas), and it means giving directions to various places at least four times a day.

Just do me a favor?

Try and stump me. Make it a little interesting for me, if you can.

I'd love a where's the USS Constitution? or a where's Paul Revere's house? or even a how do I get to Fenway Park, and maybe, just maybe, while I�m walking home from work, a we heard of this bar �Foley�s.� If you can get us there, we�ll buy you a beer.

My biggest peeve is when people ask for complicated directions--when they�re miles away from where they need to be and can think of me as a resource--and I give them customized and precise directions, and then the party proceeds to walk a block away and then heads left when I told �em to go right. It happens all the time.

If I could just once get a can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?, I�d go numb and never complain again.