2004-05-05 - 4:35 a.m.

It�s a little chilly outside, yeah, but it�s not that bad. In an unusual show of reverse-stinginess, the heat is on in the apartment, and I get to take in that weird, beautiful, radiator warmth for what I know is the last time for awhile.

Like that time in Davis waiting for the bus and it shouldn�t have been snowing, but the sky was floating down soft flaky white meatballs and everyone was mad �cause it was snowing instead of glad for the opportunity to say goodbye to the snow.

The radiator smells smoky and warm (and yes, warmth is a scent too) and it makes me feel colder than I actually am, my bones feeling winter where there is no winter, and they�re not complaining as I stand by it, warming, even though I already am.

Like when I get up on a warm or okay morning but I�m used to it being cold, and I make a big sleepy show to myself of getting out of bed, covers the biggest obstacle, and the shower�s on as hot as it can go and I�m glad to feel the warmth of the covers in the water, even though it�s completely unnecessary and I know it.

I want to save up winter like the sea stores up summer, and in the fall its ocean temperature is still summer.

Weird beautiful and very smoky radiator smell, the smoky part is kinda my fault �cause the windows are closed, but not at the moment all the way, and I romanticize winter too much but I�ll take that over not romanticizing anything.