2002-01-11 - 1:03 a.m.

I feel badly about the way I've acted towards the Girlfriend the past couple of days. She's been very sick, and although I have done all of the obligatory boyfriend-with-sick-girlfriend things (buy her chicken soup, wholeheartedly volunteer myself to do whatever sick-oriented thing she needs me to do, etc...), I've been a little cranky around her of late.

I'm a 60 year old man at heart, and I'm kinda set in my ways. More importantly, I need "me time," (for lack of a better word). The Girlfriend being home sick over a stretch reminds me of when she was jobless and constantly home. I've been vilified for my behavior during that time, and I fear that I've been repeating my past mistakes.

I feel bad for the miserable, puffy-eyed Girlfriend, and I'm sad that she's been trapped in the apartment with nobody to hang out with. But when I get home from work, I just want to make some food and drink some beer, or maybe write here and drink some beer. Or whatever.

When I get up in the morning, I can't putz around and maybe wash some dishes, or otherwise enjoy the unusual pre-noon freedoms my 1-9 shift affords me. Somehow, I always end up getting up later than I should whenever she's still in the bed.

It's frustrating to not be able to do the things I normally have the freedom to just do. Rather, I have to wait 'till she's ready to go to bed to do them, and then I feel guilty and walk on eggshells around her sleeping frame, as if I'm trying to hide something.

I've also been avoiding physical contact--I can't afford to become sick. It sounds pithy right now because I'm thinking about it, but when the moment of contact is all too necessary for the Girlfriend, all I can think of is lost vacation days and personal discomfort.

Yeah, I know all of this makes me sound like an asshole. I am being an asshole, but we're talking about a temporary thing, which will end when the Girlfriend stops being sick.

It's frustrating, knowing that your problems are petty compared to the problems of another. Not much you can do about them.